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Talk:Four Warriors Cometh (Remastered - Part the First)/@comment-2142396-20190810084744
Phew! I pushed forward and actually finished 'Act One: Winter'! I feel so proud of myself for getting this far, even though I'm still behind your current writing. :D Jeez, it's astounding to think that you're already writing 'Act Three' now! So much happened in these chapters, so prepare for a long comment! I really enjoy Brek’s chapters, even though they are not as filled with events right now compared to the other plotlines. Oooh, and Ferran and Fragorl are back! Their involvement in the plot makes it ten times more delicious, especially with all the hints you gave. ;) I wonder what Tsarmina has in her possession that they want so much? It’s amazing how Brek quickly turned into a true leader of his small band of escaped slaves and soldiers, even though there are older and more experienced beasts like Garavel or Embrien – I guess it’s because not counting Gingi, Brek knows the tunnels the best, and because he’d been acting as Gingi’s steward before. In fact, it was very significant moment when, after clearing out the tunnel into the city, Garavel referred to Brek as ‘kit’, but then corrected herself and called him by his name. Brek had already been a mature and responsible beyond his age, but this was just another step forward in his character evolution. Same as when he picked up his grandfather’s signet ring – what he learned about his family’s history in the tunnels didn’t change the way he views the world or his duty, despite changing how Brek views his father, but all of that together added to his character progress. Whegg's storyline is truly harrowing now, considering that Mossflowerians in this story are far from the friendly woodlanders from original 'Redwall' books and crossing river Moss is an instant death sentence. I can't help but notice that Redfarl told Whegg to appeal to Bella and Warthorn and didn't even mention Amber. Sadly, but Redfarl probably knows her mother and her opinion on Kotirians well enough to know that Whegg would be safer keeping away from Amber... :( It's especially endearing that even when his life hangs by a thread, Whegg keeps thinking about Regina and how she would be completely alone if he dies. That would've been enough to make this couple my OTP if I hadn't loved them already, and that's considering that Gina hadn't actually appeared yet. ;P Haha, I'm glad that you kept Argulor's quirky personality – the way he matter-of-factly remarked on the possibility of eating Whegg was hilarious, though not for poor Whegg. 'Eaten by a well-spoken demon bird', lol. :D Also, seeing Whegg interact with woodlanders is a lot of fun, especially as he tries to adjust to their worldview. His friendship with Bella is most unusual, and it was interesting to see how they came to understand and respect each other despite the rocky beginning. Yep, it seems that it definitely was a mistake for Whegg to bring up the subject of raising the river. :o Does that mean that Bella, like Groddil, also lost access to her Prophet's Soul? I wouldn't be surprised if she were losing her faith after witnessing so much death and destruction in Verdauga's conquest, losing her husband and son and then spending decades watching her country slowly dying. Oh, and let me just appreciate how awesome Germaine actually is – not only she behaves as a boss with Whegg, but she also has enough power to kick Amber's butt in a moment's notice and is more concerned with Whegg's injury than anything the council has to say. She may have a peculiar attitude, but yeah, I stand by the fact that she's awesome. :D I love how Sayna and Tynek's quest to Salamandastron shows the readers more of Greeneyes Empire than just Kotir and Mossflower. The Empire appears to be so powerful and mighty, but once you get a better look at the smaller towns, like the one Sayna and the others pass through or the one Ranulf rules over, where the majority of ordinary vermin live in poverty and constant fear of the soldiers, and I suspect that the life of a low-ranked soldier isn't the most happy one, either... Well, that really changes the perspective and makes it clear that the woodlanders are not the only ones suffering, though they certainly had it worst. Verdauga built a powerful empire, but he built it on the expense of ordinary citizens, and it's rotting from the inside. I can't help but remember the saying, 'You can rise to power on bayonets, but you can never sit on them.’ :o Sayna and the others certainly had several close calls when they were captured by Ranulf's soldiers, but I really liked that part of the quest because it's a completely new element of the plot that wasn't featured before. Yeah, if there's a downside to travelling disguised as Greeneyes soldiers, then meeting real Greeneyes soldiers definitely would be that. :o Yet I'm impressed that Sayna almost managed to scare Ranulf's garrison into obedience, and I think they actually had a chance to pull the whole 'We're Kotir elites on the mission from Verdauga' scheme if only they thought it through and prepared for it beforehand, for example, if they took some kind of signet or seal that could serve as a proof of their identity in the garrison tower they overran to get armor and weapons. But it's easy to see perfectly well with hindsight, and it's much harder to predict what is going to happen to you. At least Sayna and Tynek succeeded in keeping their real identities secret even when they were disclosed as impersonators, so it's a good thing that they dyed their fur, though I'm surprised that a dye made out of soot held so well. Then again, Sayna even mentioned shaving her tail for disguise, so they approached this matter seriously! :D It’s indeed ironic that when facing Ranulf and his soldiers, Tynek was too afraid and Sayna too angry for their Bloodwrath to kick in. Then again, it’s probably for the better, since even with Bloodwrath, Sayna and Tynek had little chance to break through a whole garrison of soldiers, so it would’ve been the repeat of Kotirian scenario in the best case, except this time there would’ve been no one to help them escape. I also like that this subplot showed us how close Sayna is to Groddil, and how desperate she is to save him when they learn he had been captured – truly, aside from Dancer, Groddil is the only constant in Sayna's life right now, and I like how you drew parallel between his disappearance in TWB, when he was captured by Ferran, and his disappearance now, as well as Sayna's reaction to it. In any case, it was also fun to see Sayna being forced to interact with Tynek, especially considering that Tynek barely talks at all. Speaking about that, you mentioned before that Tynek rarely talks mostly due to his lack of social skills, since he finds it difficult to express complex thoughts and emotions, so he'd rather say nothing at all. However, I noticed that he prefers to use gestures even when two or three simple words would've sufficed, making the communication difficult... Or does he not talk simply because he doesn't like Sayna and Groddil? I also wonder if Tynek were also like this or is Rose's 'death' affected him to such a degree, because while he certainly wasn't a talkative person in TWB, he wasn't completely silent either. By the way, what exactly caused Tynek to freeze like that in Ranulf's presence? I understand that it would be pretty traumatic for him to be reminded of his time as Badrang's slave, but he had already been to other vermin towns and even Kotir's dungeons without suffering from any side effects, so why his trauma caught up with him now? But what I find especially terrifying in this situation is not that Tynek was branded, but that Bandrang and I suppose other lords of Greeneyes Empire were marking their slaves with numbers, as if they were some kind of cattle or object to keep inventory account on. That’s just so dehumanizing and sick. :o And Eostre! I definitely didn’t expect to meet her like this. Poor thing, so not only had she lost her mother in the final battle against Badrang and was left completely alone, but then she had to spend years chained in a pit? :o And considering that dragons age slower than other beasts, then she probably wouldn’t be older than 14-15 years in human age… Darn, I just had another scary thought – I doubt that Sayna, Groddil and Tynek were the first prisoners that Ranulf had thrown into the pit, so what happened with the others? O_o Darn, I don’t think that I want to know that… *hugs Eostre and doesn’t let her go for hours* I remember that when we were discussing Eostre and her family being turned into dragons some time ago, you said that you’re keeping them as characters in TWB because Eostre/Emalet has a role to play in FWC. So, did you plan this subplot involving Eostre from the very beginning or were you coming up with it as the story progressed? ;) The breakout from Ranulf’s castle was pretty tense, even if Eostre’s invisibility trick kept them from being killed on sight in the first minutes of escape. Still, with Tynek’s bad arm giving out in the most unfortunate moment, Groddil exhausting himself with magic and Sayna’s Bloodwrath threatening to overcome her, the whole scene still came out very engaging. ‘…she wasn’t sure if Ranulf’s soldiers were aware of their prisoners’ escape, or if they were still just yelling about not being able to find their dragon.’ Lol, I swear that lines like this are pure gold and make me grin like mad. :D Luna's last meeting with her father was so very sad and tearful, and yet beautiful and inspiring in its own way. Rose's wounds must've been truly terrible if Luna spent almost all her magic to save her and to keep her alive afterwards, so much that Aimon had to give his own life to help Luna regain her powers... Well, at least he died with a purpose, saving his daughter and essentially aiding in saving his homeland, and there is a certain grace and honor in that. I don't think I mentioned it before, but it's amazing how far your writing progressed since I began to follow your stories, and I don't mean just the world-building and character development, but rather the writing style itself. Your prose flows so well, especially descriptions and the characters' emotions, and it's so poetic in general that I'm envious! For example, you described the snowstorm Sayna and the others got caught in so well that I could almost see it and feel the biting wind heaping snow on me! It was a surprise for me that you decided to stick with Luna's PoV throughout Evenglade plotline, because I expected Rose to take over as a viewpoint character to show Ripfang's attack on Evenglade and its aftermath. Though I guess it may be a good thing that we never saw Ripfang's attack properly, because you don't shy away from dark themes, and it had to be a horrible bloodbath. After all, Ripfang's goal was to get new oarslaves, so I don't think there were any mercy to those too old or young to work the oars... :o Well, just seeing the aftermath of Ripfang's attack on Evenglade through Luna's viewpoint is shaking enough – because when Luna loses her grip on emotions and shout at Ignasa in anger, you know it's something serious. But it's amazing how Luna was able to connect with Rose even despite the distance between them – truly, Aimon didn't give her all of his magic for nothing... The meeting between Luna and Sandingomm was pretty spectacular, too, and it's certainly not the first time when you force a captor and a captive to work together. ;P Ouch, but now that we can see Sandi's emotions through Luna, it's clear how messed up she actually is. I mean, Sandingomm had always been a messed up and unhappy character, but now it really surfaces since she doesn't have any reasons to hide how she truly feels about things. And in addition to this, Luna can feel Sandingomm being touched by corrupted magic? :o But I thought that Sandi's visions were sort of 'wild magic', not coming directly from Ignasa or Malimore? Or does it just mean that Sandingomm is more vulnerable to Malimore's influence and thus is affected by his magic more? By the way, do you have a set timeline for the history of your world and the ages of characters? In particular, I'm curious how long ago Verdauga's conquest of Mossflower took place? If it's still canon that Verdauga launched an attack on Kotir in the night when Sayna and Tynek's father was born, then that would be at least 40 years ago, thus making Bella and Warthorn over 60 years old, and Amber around 50-55 since she wasn't a queen yet at that time? Also, I always imagined Gingivere to be mid-twenties, but Whegg says that he is 25 years old, and then he describes Spring as being the same age as Gingivere – so does that mean that Gingi is actually older than that? There is something else I'd like to discuss about Saynaverse itself – I noticed that in all the countries we've seen so far, there's monarchy except for maybe the Northlands during the time of TWB/FWC, as there doesn't seem to be a single leader there. It makes sense in the medieval-like setting, but even after massive time jump, there's still monarchy in 'Destiny', which is steampunk, and 'Prince of the North', which is cyberpunk. And as shown in 'Destiny' and what info you shared about 'Prince of the North', it's absolute monarchy with the ruler having all the power instead of any combination of 'monarch + parliament' or 'monarch + cabinet of ministers'. So my question is, does some form of democracy evolves in your world, or at least are there any laws limiting the monarch's powers? Because that's how the system of government was developing in our world, and while I realize that it probably would go a little different when your ruler lives for hundreds of years *cough* Sayna. And also Romsca. *cough*, it's still logical that something would change. Technically, Mossflower is already on the way there, since they already have the Council where the kings and queens make decisions on the matters involving all of their kingdoms. Still, the system isn't perfect right now since it's the kings and queens making the decisions – and while three sensible monarchs are fully capable of keeping someone like Amber in check, what if the reasonable ones are outnumbered? What if there's someone like Tsarmina, or Ublaz, or Gulo? All of these characters usurped the throne, but the scenario where they gain the power legally is just as possible. One doesn't even need to be evil to be a bad king, just being incompetent is enough. Imagine someone like Mayberry as a ruler – and since Spring is a princess now, that would mean that Mayberry is also in line to the throne. Or someone like Urran, who has good intentions but chooses the worst possible way to do things. :o Like always, I’m not trying to take the fun out of your stories and settings, just delving deeper into the possibilities and inner workings of your world.